Hobble Creek Review
| David Lee |
Odus Millard
His wife said
There was never a room
or a house where you could say
he lived in it
as much as he infested it
until he built the tar paper
pouting house out back
where he would go
to sit persecuting his memories
and pretend to recite scripture
he was a cross
between a cathartic
and a four tablespoon dose of castor oil
on the one hand
he had a personality
like one more worst ever Sunday homily
salved with tortured exegesis and admonition
and for dinner after that was over
a Hemphill Wells ladies upper crust social club
Waldorf salad with Mandarin orange segments
unsalady things mixed perfectly nasty
slathered together and stirred
up with goddam mayonnaise
and on the other
his own family said
he was so dull-witted the ghost
in his grandmother’s attic on his mama’s side
abandoned the refuge from boredom two weeks
after he moved in with her
to give him a second chance over there
she said If he inherited
his way of being from his daddy
it’s amazing that man
had enough spism in the bedroom
to even foster that child
which led to many theories
and rumors of parenthood
when he got old enough
to be a candidate for any form of complex
he became self-absorbed and convinced
the entire South Plains
saw the new star in the east
as his advance birth notice
cleared out seats for him
on the fifty yard line
at Texas Tech stadium
despite the mounting evidence
to the contrary in its
steady pile of accumulation
to any form of suggested self-correction
advice or criticism he would say
he was ambiffilant
to ever bit of it
a self made man
who didn’t answer to nobody
thus he waxed in his youth
Anon when time came
for contemplation of the Rubicon
he cast about to survey
the available picked-over lot
for the highest ranking suitee
offering elevation on the Garza County social ladder
then settled upon B. L. Wayburn’s daughter
with the big ears and turned up nose
courted her for a period of one month
hence made his way to the Wayburn homestead
to offer his hand in marriage
on a Monday evening when
the Wayburne Pig Cafe closed at four
stated his intentions clearly
to B. L. Wayburn who listened thoughtfully
then asked Odus Millard
if he had in actuality proposed marriage to his daughter
Odus Millard said Nosir that’s a fact
I thought it would be appropriater
to present myself and my case to you
before I decided on situational permanence
and B. L. Wayburn said Which air case?
Odus Millard said The matter
of keeping your daughter in a manner
to which she is become accustomed
and B. L. Wayburn said Whar?
Odus Millard said I was thinking
perhaps of a partnership in the cafe
B. L. Wayburn said Son
you have no more idea of business
than a hog does of the sacrament
it aint enough money in that cafe
to keep one family in a prosperous manner
to which they’d like to become accustomed
much of a less two
what ever possessed you
to think of such a thing?
Odus Millard said It was only
the comfort and welfare of your daughter
that was ever of my prime concern
and the fact that she was nearing
the state of spinsterdom
and in a honest manner of speaking
is not ezactly a candidate
to be the Maypole Harvest Queen
nevertheless I believe we could
find happiness under the right fixed conditions
after which B. L. Wayburn said Boy
you may exactly be right
but I have to inform you
in an honest manner of speaking
that you are not exactly an agricultural genius
and you are damsure not
a candidate for hellofaman of the year
so it might even out in a long run
I do not know her attitude toward you
but I do know there is no accounting for taste
and I’ve said once
and I’ll now say it twicet
a woman can only love a thing
if she can pity it
and then run over it
so you might be just what she’s destined for
but after that unless you can frycook and haul garbage
you’re on your own as far as my cafe goes
with that as my blessing
and my fervent hope
this will be a childless relationship
and in lieu of a better offer
they had a private wedding
three weeks later on a Thursday
in Via Acuna, Mexico
Odus Millard found quickly
the terrible misunderestimation
of his spouse who was brimful
with spit and vinegar
and when provoked had two screams
of retribution and social commentary
one of which was imperative punctuational
almost preacherly in deliverance
and the other recreative and ebullient
as if she’d opted for celibacy and made the decision to give up
chamomile tea, honeygar and Baptist salvation permanently
often expressing her loathing of mankind
within the same outpour of libationous scream
on or without demand
while he intimidated
could barely come to the cusp
of being self-sanctimoniously
larded with piffle
memorizing three scriptures by heart
beginning with Ephesians 5: 23 and 4
always forgetting the second to approach
climax with a grand finale of 1 Peter 3: 5
which he recited to her deaf ears
on any occasion deemed beatific
and soon learned his proper position
in their formal relationship
trailing behind her like ballast
apparently unaware of his universal appraisal
of being neither useful nor ornamental
in their familial pecking order
having learned the intrinsic Texas personality value
of snorting and harking so that
he quickly became a veritable sputum machine
always a step and a half in arrears
so that Bus Pennel could say
She never had no need of a pugdog
but Billy Klogphorne said
Odus had the reminiscent waddle of a
fucking duck on a tether
Thirty years passed without a single
waxing moon in their marriage
during which time his wife in name only
became assistant and in his words co-conspirator
to her father’s Wayburne Pig Cafe
long after Odus had been permanently banished
for telling seven year old Leon Teasdale
to Wipe that smirk off your silly assed face in here
upon which Eva Lou Teasdale burst
into a litany of tears and sorrow and trembling
provoking B. L. Wayburn to tell Odus
Goddam boy caint you see he’s got a harelip?
upon which Odus said Well I never noticed
I thought he was mocking me
he would sit on the raised wall bench
at the poolhall all day and argue
with anybody who was willing
over anything that was accomodable
including whether garbage was picked up
on a Tuesday or Thursday at the Algerita Hotel
or the merits of blue or white cue tip chalking
though he never once played a game of snooker
to the private intimacies of public education employees
and the utter worthlessness of married life
shifting subsequently to his interest in politics
where in the preliminaries
he was defeated on three occasions
to be the Democratic nominee for mayor
then in unmitigated oratorical anger, wrath and spiteful venom
unbeknownst to anyone save the bathroom mirror
he revenged himself upon humanity
switching to the Republican regime
and for the rest of his life
regardless of never casting a single electoral vote
abode no Democrat in his presence
finally withdrawing countenance to all men
who did not vote straight ballot God’s Own Party
seriously narrowing the candidacy list
of potential friendship or commerce with any person
holding the social status to which he aspired
until finally everyone he knew by name died
and unable to place names with recognized faces
he gave up on remembering faces
withdrawing completely into his own anger
thus began the slow process
of wasting away, rectitude and atrophy
during which period of life
coughing fits
kept him awake deep into the night
until his wife drove him to the hospital
one morning in her bathrobe and told him
Get the hell out of this car and go see
somebody about this shit
where Dr. Tubbs told him smoking cigarettes
was going to kill him and gave him
an illustrated pamphlet on cancer
which he read carefully perusing the vivid pictures
of tumors and polyps and rotting lung tissue
then threw into the garbage can beneath the kitchen sink
and vowed eternal abstinence
his wife said You’re quitting smoking?
he said Hell no
that’s the last damn book
I’m ever going to read
and as far as she knew he kept his word
it was then he built the tar paper
pouting house with the dirt floor
which became his sanctum sanitorium
in a world he no longer acknowledged
or pretended to belong to
His wife said
He was a lifelong slow waker
liked to sit with his coffee
all alone and stare out the window
at the horizon
for as long as he possibly could
when asked to do any chore
or pressed for the merest conversation
he’d say he preferred
to contemplate the scriptures
no one ever saw him read
in solitude
until he had his heart right
with the god she knew
he didn’t believe in
as his chosen remembrance
out in that cross-the-tracks shanty
she planned to tear down tomorrow
from the Pipe Springs Bugle, November 17, 1956, page 4
ODUS MILLARD
Closed casket graveside services were held on Thursday
for Odus Millard, date of birth unknown, who apparently
died on Tuesday when he was found in the shed behind
his house after not coming in for supper by his wife of
unknown causes though it is known he claimed to be in-
flicted with black lung disease not caused by or incidental
to cigarette smoking. His family had no knowledge of
previous employment in the mining industry or extended
employment at any other workplace. He attended high
school in Matador, it is unknown whether he graduated.
He is survived by his wife who asked that her name not
be used in this obituary. The marriage produced no off-
spring. B. L. Wayburn announced that free coffee would
be offered at the Wayburne Pig Cafe to anyone who stated
that he or she was a personal friend of the deceased.
His wife said
There was never a room
or a house where you could say
he lived in it
as much as he infested it
until he built the tar paper
pouting house out back
where he would go
to sit persecuting his memories
and pretend to recite scripture
he was a cross
between a cathartic
and a four tablespoon dose of castor oil
on the one hand
he had a personality
like one more worst ever Sunday homily
salved with tortured exegesis and admonition
and for dinner after that was over
a Hemphill Wells ladies upper crust social club
Waldorf salad with Mandarin orange segments
unsalady things mixed perfectly nasty
slathered together and stirred
up with goddam mayonnaise
and on the other
his own family said
he was so dull-witted the ghost
in his grandmother’s attic on his mama’s side
abandoned the refuge from boredom two weeks
after he moved in with her
to give him a second chance over there
she said If he inherited
his way of being from his daddy
it’s amazing that man
had enough spism in the bedroom
to even foster that child
which led to many theories
and rumors of parenthood
when he got old enough
to be a candidate for any form of complex
he became self-absorbed and convinced
the entire South Plains
saw the new star in the east
as his advance birth notice
cleared out seats for him
on the fifty yard line
at Texas Tech stadium
despite the mounting evidence
to the contrary in its
steady pile of accumulation
to any form of suggested self-correction
advice or criticism he would say
he was ambiffilant
to ever bit of it
a self made man
who didn’t answer to nobody
thus he waxed in his youth
Anon when time came
for contemplation of the Rubicon
he cast about to survey
the available picked-over lot
for the highest ranking suitee
offering elevation on the Garza County social ladder
then settled upon B. L. Wayburn’s daughter
with the big ears and turned up nose
courted her for a period of one month
hence made his way to the Wayburn homestead
to offer his hand in marriage
on a Monday evening when
the Wayburne Pig Cafe closed at four
stated his intentions clearly
to B. L. Wayburn who listened thoughtfully
then asked Odus Millard
if he had in actuality proposed marriage to his daughter
Odus Millard said Nosir that’s a fact
I thought it would be appropriater
to present myself and my case to you
before I decided on situational permanence
and B. L. Wayburn said Which air case?
Odus Millard said The matter
of keeping your daughter in a manner
to which she is become accustomed
and B. L. Wayburn said Whar?
Odus Millard said I was thinking
perhaps of a partnership in the cafe
B. L. Wayburn said Son
you have no more idea of business
than a hog does of the sacrament
it aint enough money in that cafe
to keep one family in a prosperous manner
to which they’d like to become accustomed
much of a less two
what ever possessed you
to think of such a thing?
Odus Millard said It was only
the comfort and welfare of your daughter
that was ever of my prime concern
and the fact that she was nearing
the state of spinsterdom
and in a honest manner of speaking
is not ezactly a candidate
to be the Maypole Harvest Queen
nevertheless I believe we could
find happiness under the right fixed conditions
after which B. L. Wayburn said Boy
you may exactly be right
but I have to inform you
in an honest manner of speaking
that you are not exactly an agricultural genius
and you are damsure not
a candidate for hellofaman of the year
so it might even out in a long run
I do not know her attitude toward you
but I do know there is no accounting for taste
and I’ve said once
and I’ll now say it twicet
a woman can only love a thing
if she can pity it
and then run over it
so you might be just what she’s destined for
but after that unless you can frycook and haul garbage
you’re on your own as far as my cafe goes
with that as my blessing
and my fervent hope
this will be a childless relationship
and in lieu of a better offer
they had a private wedding
three weeks later on a Thursday
in Via Acuna, Mexico
Odus Millard found quickly
the terrible misunderestimation
of his spouse who was brimful
with spit and vinegar
and when provoked had two screams
of retribution and social commentary
one of which was imperative punctuational
almost preacherly in deliverance
and the other recreative and ebullient
as if she’d opted for celibacy and made the decision to give up
chamomile tea, honeygar and Baptist salvation permanently
often expressing her loathing of mankind
within the same outpour of libationous scream
on or without demand
while he intimidated
could barely come to the cusp
of being self-sanctimoniously
larded with piffle
memorizing three scriptures by heart
beginning with Ephesians 5: 23 and 4
always forgetting the second to approach
climax with a grand finale of 1 Peter 3: 5
which he recited to her deaf ears
on any occasion deemed beatific
and soon learned his proper position
in their formal relationship
trailing behind her like ballast
apparently unaware of his universal appraisal
of being neither useful nor ornamental
in their familial pecking order
having learned the intrinsic Texas personality value
of snorting and harking so that
he quickly became a veritable sputum machine
always a step and a half in arrears
so that Bus Pennel could say
She never had no need of a pugdog
but Billy Klogphorne said
Odus had the reminiscent waddle of a
fucking duck on a tether
Thirty years passed without a single
waxing moon in their marriage
during which time his wife in name only
became assistant and in his words co-conspirator
to her father’s Wayburne Pig Cafe
long after Odus had been permanently banished
for telling seven year old Leon Teasdale
to Wipe that smirk off your silly assed face in here
upon which Eva Lou Teasdale burst
into a litany of tears and sorrow and trembling
provoking B. L. Wayburn to tell Odus
Goddam boy caint you see he’s got a harelip?
upon which Odus said Well I never noticed
I thought he was mocking me
he would sit on the raised wall bench
at the poolhall all day and argue
with anybody who was willing
over anything that was accomodable
including whether garbage was picked up
on a Tuesday or Thursday at the Algerita Hotel
or the merits of blue or white cue tip chalking
though he never once played a game of snooker
to the private intimacies of public education employees
and the utter worthlessness of married life
shifting subsequently to his interest in politics
where in the preliminaries
he was defeated on three occasions
to be the Democratic nominee for mayor
then in unmitigated oratorical anger, wrath and spiteful venom
unbeknownst to anyone save the bathroom mirror
he revenged himself upon humanity
switching to the Republican regime
and for the rest of his life
regardless of never casting a single electoral vote
abode no Democrat in his presence
finally withdrawing countenance to all men
who did not vote straight ballot God’s Own Party
seriously narrowing the candidacy list
of potential friendship or commerce with any person
holding the social status to which he aspired
until finally everyone he knew by name died
and unable to place names with recognized faces
he gave up on remembering faces
withdrawing completely into his own anger
thus began the slow process
of wasting away, rectitude and atrophy
during which period of life
coughing fits
kept him awake deep into the night
until his wife drove him to the hospital
one morning in her bathrobe and told him
Get the hell out of this car and go see
somebody about this shit
where Dr. Tubbs told him smoking cigarettes
was going to kill him and gave him
an illustrated pamphlet on cancer
which he read carefully perusing the vivid pictures
of tumors and polyps and rotting lung tissue
then threw into the garbage can beneath the kitchen sink
and vowed eternal abstinence
his wife said You’re quitting smoking?
he said Hell no
that’s the last damn book
I’m ever going to read
and as far as she knew he kept his word
it was then he built the tar paper
pouting house with the dirt floor
which became his sanctum sanitorium
in a world he no longer acknowledged
or pretended to belong to
His wife said
He was a lifelong slow waker
liked to sit with his coffee
all alone and stare out the window
at the horizon
for as long as he possibly could
when asked to do any chore
or pressed for the merest conversation
he’d say he preferred
to contemplate the scriptures
no one ever saw him read
in solitude
until he had his heart right
with the god she knew
he didn’t believe in
as his chosen remembrance
out in that cross-the-tracks shanty
she planned to tear down tomorrow
from the Pipe Springs Bugle, November 17, 1956, page 4
ODUS MILLARD
Closed casket graveside services were held on Thursday
for Odus Millard, date of birth unknown, who apparently
died on Tuesday when he was found in the shed behind
his house after not coming in for supper by his wife of
unknown causes though it is known he claimed to be in-
flicted with black lung disease not caused by or incidental
to cigarette smoking. His family had no knowledge of
previous employment in the mining industry or extended
employment at any other workplace. He attended high
school in Matador, it is unknown whether he graduated.
He is survived by his wife who asked that her name not
be used in this obituary. The marriage produced no off-
spring. B. L. Wayburn announced that free coffee would
be offered at the Wayburne Pig Cafe to anyone who stated
that he or she was a personal friend of the deceased.
David Lee's recent books include Stone Wind Water, Texas Wild
Flowers, and A House Made of Time, which he co-authored with
William Kloefkorn. David and his wife, Jan, split their time between
Texas and Oregon.
Flowers, and A House Made of Time, which he co-authored with
William Kloefkorn. David and his wife, Jan, split their time between
Texas and Oregon.
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